Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hate Sells

Let's pretend I am the pastor of a fundamentalist, non-denominational church in Florida. We average about 50 people each Sunday, which is good, but not good enough. I follow the fundamentalist guidelines of hating gays and lesbians and abortion clinics, but I want to take it to the next level. So, I write a book about how Islam is from the Devil. Now, I know that everyone in my church will buy a copy, it is almost mandatory. But that's only 50 people. I realize that there are other wackos in other places that I need to reach so they can buy my book. I can go on the Internet, but I really need something explosive to really galvanize the wacko, fundamentalist base around the country. I know that another fundamentalist wacko burned some Bibles and Christian books last Halloween so I can't do that. Hmm, since I already hate Muslims I can burn their holy book and on top of that I will do it on 9/11 because that will heighten the tension between Americans and Islam. But I need to publicize this so I will call the local news outlet and tell them what I am planning to so and eventually it will go viral on the Internet.

Success! My wacko views and YouTube videos are a hit. People love to hate me. I am on CNN and Fox News almost every day. I get to spew my fundamentalist hatred on a global scale. Shoot, they are burning me in effigy in Kabul, Afghanistan, wherever that is. I don't care that people might die because of these actions because I am on TV. I am the new Fred Phelps baby! People love to hate me and so I tell my church that we are being persecuted by the world and now they think I am a friggin' prophet. This has work out better than I thought. I've got Anderson Cooper on speed dial. They love me because I give them ratings. I've got invitations from Oprah. My wife loves Oprah even if she is black.

This thing is bigger than I have ever dreamed and it's all because hate sells. Why do you think Fred Phelps is still in business? They get a news crew everywhere they go. So take it from me, if you want to get famous as a fundy pastor don't feed the hungry or clothe the naked that won't get you ratings. You need to hate people and do something outrageous. Then you'll rake in the fame.

No comments: