Hate Sells

Let's pretend I am the pastor of a fundamentalist, non-denominational church in Florida. We average about 50 people each Sunday, which is good, but not good enough. I follow the fundamentalist guidelines of hating gays and lesbians and abortion clinics, but I want to take it to the next level. So, I write a book about how Islam is from the Devil. Now, I know that everyone in my church will buy a copy, it is almost mandatory. But that's only 50 people. I realize that there are other wackos in other places that I need to reach so they can buy my book. I can go on the Internet, but I really need something explosive to really galvanize the wacko, fundamentalist base around the country. I know that another fundamentalist wacko burned some Bibles and Christian books last Halloween so I can't do that. Hmm, since I already hate Muslims I can burn their holy book and on top of that I will do it on 9/11 because that will heighten the tension between Americans and Islam. But I need to publicize this so I will call the local news outlet and tell them what I am planning to so and eventually it will go viral on the Internet.

Success! My wacko views and YouTube videos are a hit. People love to hate me. I am on CNN and Fox News almost every day. I get to spew my fundamentalist hatred on a global scale. Shoot, they are burning me in effigy in Kabul, Afghanistan, wherever that is. I don't care that people might die because of these actions because I am on TV. I am the new Fred Phelps baby! People love to hate me and so I tell my church that we are being persecuted by the world and now they think I am a friggin' prophet. This has work out better than I thought. I've got Anderson Cooper on speed dial. They love me because I give them ratings. I've got invitations from Oprah. My wife loves Oprah even if she is black.

This thing is bigger than I have ever dreamed and it's all because hate sells. Why do you think Fred Phelps is still in business? They get a news crew everywhere they go. So take it from me, if you want to get famous as a fundy pastor don't feed the hungry or clothe the naked that won't get you ratings. You need to hate people and do something outrageous. Then you'll rake in the fame.