The Judgment House Phenomenon

It is that time of year again. The leaves are turning red, yellow, and orange. The temperatures are falling and pumpkins are appearing on front porches across America. And now teenagers are dressing in costumes and makeup in order to strike fear into the hearts of the public. This is not, however, your run of the mill trick or treating or haunted house. The latest manifestation of fundamentalist evangelism is the judgment house. Judgment house is the name brand of a group providing scripts and directions for these "walk through dramas" that are billed as "alternatives to haunted houses." While the plots of these judgment houses change from year to year and church to church the basic premise remains the same. There is a depiction of hell and a depiction of heaven and which one do you want to end up for eternity?

These judgment houses are geared toward tweens and teens with bus after bus of youth groups coming in and out. I went through one of these judgment houses a couple of years ago. While the cheesiness of these skits was palpable, so was the manipulation of these young people. Some kids were laughing, but some were also in tears, scared literally for their souls. After going through the house, "counselors" (who knows what their qualifications were) talked with kids who "accepted Jesus." The rest of us were sent out the door and into the cold.

Having gone through one of these "dramas" I feel that I can offer a fair shakedown of these events. These judgment houses engage in the worst kind of scare tactic evangelism possible. The only thing worse would be to literally hold a gun to their heads. I have read this and heard it time and time again, fear based conversion is not true conversion. You cannot coerce people into a relationship with God by fear. A relationship by its definition is based on trust and love. I would compare these judgment house conversions to a woman who stays in marriage because she is afraid to leave. You resent the one you fear. These young people are not told that God loves then, except that he will save you only after dangling you over the fires of hell.

Jesus never used that kind of evangelism. Jesus instead chose to help people, heal them, touch them, feed them, and then give them the good news of the Gospel. It takes a lot of money, time, and energy to create and put on one of these judgment houses. Why not use that same time, money, and energy to build a Habitat for Humanity house? What would be a better example of the gospel of Christ? A judgment house or a house for one of the least of these. What is more likely to bring someone to Christ? A fear based manipulation or an act of love and grace.

I hope someone from one of these judgment house churches reads this and I hope they get offended. I hope that offense causes them to think and perhaps reconsider.

Hate Sells

Let's pretend I am the pastor of a fundamentalist, non-denominational church in Florida. We average about 50 people each Sunday, which is good, but not good enough. I follow the fundamentalist guidelines of hating gays and lesbians and abortion clinics, but I want to take it to the next level. So, I write a book about how Islam is from the Devil. Now, I know that everyone in my church will buy a copy, it is almost mandatory. But that's only 50 people. I realize that there are other wackos in other places that I need to reach so they can buy my book. I can go on the Internet, but I really need something explosive to really galvanize the wacko, fundamentalist base around the country. I know that another fundamentalist wacko burned some Bibles and Christian books last Halloween so I can't do that. Hmm, since I already hate Muslims I can burn their holy book and on top of that I will do it on 9/11 because that will heighten the tension between Americans and Islam. But I need to publicize this so I will call the local news outlet and tell them what I am planning to so and eventually it will go viral on the Internet.

Success! My wacko views and YouTube videos are a hit. People love to hate me. I am on CNN and Fox News almost every day. I get to spew my fundamentalist hatred on a global scale. Shoot, they are burning me in effigy in Kabul, Afghanistan, wherever that is. I don't care that people might die because of these actions because I am on TV. I am the new Fred Phelps baby! People love to hate me and so I tell my church that we are being persecuted by the world and now they think I am a friggin' prophet. This has work out better than I thought. I've got Anderson Cooper on speed dial. They love me because I give them ratings. I've got invitations from Oprah. My wife loves Oprah even if she is black.

This thing is bigger than I have ever dreamed and it's all because hate sells. Why do you think Fred Phelps is still in business? They get a news crew everywhere they go. So take it from me, if you want to get famous as a fundy pastor don't feed the hungry or clothe the naked that won't get you ratings. You need to hate people and do something outrageous. Then you'll rake in the fame.